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Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize