JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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