She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
