she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
