she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize