My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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