im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
