i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
