I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
