You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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