oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
