That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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