I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
