I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
