i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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