That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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