I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
