This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
