So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
