Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
