just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to fling myself into the sun
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
