Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize