I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
