I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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