it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
