I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
