sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize