So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
