I think I died a long time ago.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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