i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cockslap morals
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
