1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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