Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
