he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
