Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
