so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
