Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
