I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
