I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
