alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
