The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
