love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
