I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
