i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
