Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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