The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
