My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
