my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
