O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
