oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
