Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
