she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need water and some morals
Randomize