May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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