Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
