I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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