i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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