You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
