I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
