Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
