i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
