even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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