So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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