i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
