I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
