She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
im on a boat
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