went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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