Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wanna passion pit in your ass
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
